ever since I was a child I’ve had these “perversions”. These homosexual thoughts. I was around 8. I would watch haram stuff (homosexual stuff) and I knew it was wrong but I did it anyway. Now I’m an adult and trying my hardest to quit these bad habits. (Masturbation and watching gay porn.) I’ve stopped with porn but those thoughts are still there. I am upset and angry. Why was I made gay? Allah says you wrong yourselves. Why? Why was I, at the age of 8, wronging myself? Apparently my fitrah has been corrupted. But why. Why was it corrupted at such a young age. Why?! I don’t want this. I don’t want whatever this is. Sometimes I tell myself, the stronger the imaan, the harder the test. I can’t do this. Tell Allah to give me anything but this. I’m sick of it. I’m sick of myself. I don’t feel like a man. I pray my 5 Salah. I keep all my fasts. I give sadaqah. I help my parents. But still. I don’t want to live like this anymore. Wallahi if suicide wasn’t haram, I’d kill myself. Why did Allah give me such a punishment at the age of 8. Help me please. I’m sick of keeping it to myself.