What am I doing wrong?

What am I doing wrong?Category: ReligionWhat am I doing wrong?
Mariyam asked 4 years ago

Salaams I just need some advice. I woke up today feeling like I keep failing my Lord. I understand everyone gets tested in different ways but my test I keep failing. I have a male friend who is a revert, we initially started talking with the intention of marriage but 2yrs later I felt like he is not ready for marriage. Alhamdulillah he has a lot of knowledge about Islam but I felt the need to stick around to help and support him as he didn’t have much support.
We argue a lot because I feel like he has no respect for me etc. we stop talking and then he comes back. I know he has no intention of getting married to me and with how he treats me and the way he talks down, I am fully aware I don’t want a partner with them qualities. He has a way of making me feel like I’m worthless. He’s a very good person deep down but I think he has been let down by people in past hence why he has a guard up, I do feel like he uses me as a punching bag. He always has to be in control of me and has to have the last say. Last week he told me that he is not ready for commitment as he has a lot of work to do deen wise but I found out yesterday that he asked his friend if she would consider him for marriage as he is 100% ready for that commitment. I understand I’m not the one for him but to be lied to really hurts when I have been nothing but a good friend to him and supported him. He speaks very highly about his other friends but never talks about me and how I helped him it’s like I don’t exist.

I take full responsibility that I entertained him when I should have just ignored and walked away. I am not blaming him in any way I just need some advice on why guys are not taking me seriously for marriage it’s coming to a point where I am blaming myself because he isn’t the only guy that I have gotten to know on a marriage level. There has been few others in the past that has done similar thing to me. I feel like I’m not marriage material and why no ones takes me seriously.