PLEASE HELP ME. I AM SO LOST AND SINFUL

PLEASE HELP ME. I AM SO LOST AND SINFULCategory: OtherPLEASE HELP ME. I AM SO LOST AND SINFUL
sk asked 2 years ago

Salam shaykh, 
I do not know where to begin but I genuinely need help and assurance because at the moment I feel so long. I am a 24 year old male and I’ve sinned so much shaykh, my life hasn’t always been like this, I’ve had a good upbringing my parents have done so much for me. Shaykh I’ve swore at my parents so many times, told them to die, wished death upon them and everytime I do it I then cry at night in my bed thinking why did I do this, I’ve said some horrible things to them and they’re so religious and innocent, I don’t know why I’ve done this. It’s got worse to the point of blaming Allah for all the troubles I’ve been having in my life, I’d say things to myself talking to Allah saying this is all your doing then I regret it and ask for forgiveness to myself. I sometimes pray, and when I do pray sincerely and ask for forgiveness I feel so much at ease and everything just feels right in my life, but then I’d go off the deen again ans stop praying randomly. But shaykh I really need to know if Allah the most merciful, the most high can forgive me, because of one thing I committed. Back in 2016 when I was 21 years old I took money from this other fellow Muslim to help do something for him, I decieved him knowingly I will be honest about this shaykh. And since then I do not have his contact number, or any details of his whereabouts. After committing this deceit I just changed and saw so many negative things happen in my life like a spiral. When I prayed I always asked in my Du’a to allow him to forgive me because if he doesn’t then Allah won’t forgive me, I also said in my Du’a so many times for Allah to grant him jannah and give him glad tidings because I’m scared I won’t be forgiven for this. I have a picture of his that’s all and hopefully when I do find him I want to give back all the money I took from him. Can I be forgiven shaykh? This has always been in the back of my mind every single day and this literally has changed my life. My surroundings weren’t the best but I need to find peace before I depart. I’m sincerely make Du’a but then I go lost again because that always comes to mind about not being forgiven for this as I’ve read in other texts about this. Please help me shaykh because this is mentally killing me.