parents are forcing marriage

parents are forcing marriageCategory: Parentingparents are forcing marriage
Hawa Mohamed asked 6 years ago

 Asalam Alaikum,
I am going to ask a question here that I have been struggling with the past year:
My family is east African and they believe in arranged marriages. It was never a problem before this year and we agreed that we all get to chose our own spouses afte my older sister’s ugly divorce. Little did we know that she was just fooling my mom. When she turned 18, both my parents wanted to get her out of the house and marry our cousin. It happened.  And for seven years she had to live a double life where she was an obedient angel to my parents and everyone else but she was a nightmare to her husband. All because my parents bullied her into it. @fter the divorce she through the blame to my mom and she let her go. And now she’s living happily ever after with her now husband of two years who most of the family is close to. And my oldest sister is considering divorce from her husband who was allegedly doing black magic to keep her interested, for he is plenty of years older than her and he is very suspicious. One of his children sexual ly assaulted my 19 yeAR old sister. But, the subject recently came up again after my other older sister turned 19, a year ago. Everyone, especially my mother, is pressuring her and bullying her into a marriage with our cousin that is 26 years. Now because of miscommunication between that sister and my mother, she ran away and is gone for three days now and her Christian friends house. They don’t know the situation but they are willing to let her stay for two weeks. Now my mother sees no wrong in all that she’s asking, and she said that’s how she was raised and that is how she will raise her kids. She wants us all to stay at home and we are not allowed to have friends, go out, unless for school or work. And she doesn’t want us to stay in her house past the age of twenty. She said the only way out of her house without fitna and/or facade is if she marries us off to older cousins or if we die. Now my sister is having issues mentally breaking down because she doesn’t want to marry this guy. But on the other hand she wants to do the same thing my older sister did and get out of the marriage and show my mom how her plans can backfire. I am 17 years old now and she told me that if my sister doesn’t marry him, I will. And that we owe her our lives. The problem is that my dad, her cousin, was very abusive to her and us until she ran away from him and he came running back after he was homeless and now he’s looking for a 20 something year old wife that he married in africa. And he is 60 with multiple wives that he cant support. My question is if we should encourage our sister to marry my cousins so that I don’t have to and so that my mom can see her mistakes or should we stand my mom up and confront her of her mental abuse. Now none of us even want to marry. I am blaming it all on my mother who is obsessed with controlling every aspect of our lives. From sexuality (by getting female genital mutation performed on us) to marriage till death do us part. And I have two younger sisters that I want to watch out for. And she is pushing my older sister away fron the true islam.I begged allah for an answer and got nothing yet. Please try and answer my question. Although I respect my parents deeply I am not blind to the bad tradiations they hold.
 
Juzalllahu kair, ( and sorry for throwing too many problems but I want you to see most of the picture of this problem.) 
Thank you so much.