My parents are praying for my death

My parents are praying for my deathCategory: ReligionMy parents are praying for my death
Khadija Aweys asked 4 years ago

Asalama Alaikum. I am a 17 year old girl who lives in London with her parents. All my life my parents have controlled me. They would make decisions for me big or small and I would accept it. I was forced to wear the hijab at a young age and I accepted. They forced the abaya, I accepted. I was not allowed to go out with my friends, I accepted. Pretty much they were in control of my life. Now that I am growing I want to experience life the way I want it. I would take my hijab of behind their backs until one day they found out. They were not happy at all and lectured me. I have done things in my past in which I am not proud of and will admit are haram. I have a phone but I cannot keep it in my room at all. I cannot have privacy or freedom or any of it. I used to pray and read the Quran however I thought things were going to change if I was on deen and being patient. Due to my ignorance, I stopped praying and reading Quran. Everything still was the same. I try speak to them and make them understand the situation but they never do. Everything always has to be their way and they enforce things onto me that I do not want to. I want to pray again but I feel like I am losing hope in everything and everyone. My dad said that he would rather have me dead and that he will pray for my death and end if I was to bring shame on the family name or if I had bad intentions with the family. I wanted to move out when I turned 18 but now I know I cannot because this would bring shame onto the family. I always try with them and be patient but I have had enough of them. They want me to get married to someone in which I said no to but they are enforcing it on me even though I said no. I am sick and tired of them using the religion against me in every even if the religion says that it is allowed they would say it is not. Sometimes, May Allah forgive me, I feel like leaving the religion because of this. It’s always been religion this and religion that. I said I wanted to get married to someone I felt comfortable with and that I brought in but no the religion said you have to accept who ever your parents bring. This is what they believe. I do not have a good relationship with anyone in my family. And I am losing hope. My dad wants me dead and so does my mum. And I cannot move out. I do not understand why this is happening even though I try with them and reasoning with then is not an option because they never understand.