Dear Mufti and brother of Islam, Assalamu Alaikum. My name is Saieed Al Mahmud Ullah, I am of 32 years age and I live in Bangladesh. I am in extreme mental commotion about my marriage and I want your opinion/fatwah regarding my marriage according to Shariah.
I was married on 14-Apr-18 in a mosque in Dhaka, Bangladesh in presence of both of our families, according to Muslim Shariah and applicable Muslim Laws in Bangladesh. My wife was a USA resident and after 3 weeks she left for USA. Everything was fine at the beginning. But soon after couple of weeks had passed, we started having arguments (over the phone) regarding various issues including wearing hijab, praying regularly and other stuff. Since I am a practicing Muslim, performed Hajj in 2014 and try my level best to abide by Shariah at all time, I was telling her to start practicing regularly for our betterment in this world and is afterlife as well.
One day we were have heated disagreement over the phone and at one point out of extreme anger & agony I divorced her verbally not realizing consequences. After I calmed down immediately told her that I had taken my words back and I wanted our marriage to continue- all happened same day to the best of my knowledge.
Few months later, same thing happened, we were arguing and I divorced her for 2nd time out of extreme anger & agony not realizing consequences. I did not talk to her for few days. During that time I realized I did not do a right thing and withdrew divorce within 3-4 days. I was very cautious afterwards realizing that I had already said verbally “I divorce you” twice, I should not say that word again though I knew I had one chance left (I believed even if I divorce her again she would have iddat and I would have the chance to reconcile if necessary, but at no cost I cannot use the word “I divorce you”).
We had ups and downs since we both live in two different continents, someone told me in such cases Shaitan provokes spouses to do bad things. On 13-May-19, just after our 1st marriage anniversary, we had very intense argument over the phone and I completely lost control over myself. I was extremely annoyed, frustrated, disheartened and hopeless and I told her I no longer want to be with her (in any circumstances I did not mention ‘I divorce you’ this time). I went to Quazi office that day and applied for separation in a prescribed form provided by that Quazi. I asked him at that time whether I would have any chance to revoke this, he said within 90 days (plus 10 more days as grace period) I could reconcile. I emailed her a copy of our separation notice on 13-May and couriered hard copy following day- she received on 16-May. According to law of the land (THE MUSLIM FAMILY LAWS ORDINANCE, 1961) a written copy must also to be provided to the Chairman’s office- which was received on 16-May.
Finally, on 14-Aug-19, 03:40 am (Bangladesh time), 13-Aug-19 17:40 (USA time) I informed her through text message that I revoked this notice.
I want to know that whether our marriage is still valid or not. If I consider applicable law, then I withdrew within timeframe.
source: http://bdlaws.minlaw.gov.bd/sections_detail.php?id=305§ions_id=13539
But some said that after 3rd divorce it becomes irrevocable. I did not know that at all during the time I signed the paper. If I know, I would not have done that in the name of Allah.
I love her very much and I want to be with her. Therefore, I really appreciate your opinion whether this marriage is still valid or not. When I divorced her 1st and 2nd time out of extreme anger not realizing consequences, did those count as well? I am very much fearful of Allah and I do not want to commit any zina. Therefore, I want your advice please to save this marriage. Ma’salam.
