My Mother may she Rest In Peace converted into Islam in her late 20s to divorce her first Christian husband. Later on she met my father who took advantage of her at her weakest when her beloved Father passed away (converted into Islam 10 days before his passing) may he Rest In Peace. My mother was the only legitimate inherited daughter and her Father left behind property and wealth for her to claim. Her family went against her accusing her of convincing her father to convert so she would be the only inheritor but she still began learning Islam and didn’t understand how this all ended up hers but her father knew what he was doing. My mother was a pure soul she was so kind and generous, she loved to learn and teach. My father was a cruel man and merciless when it came to punishing his children over trivial things. My mother tried hard to change him and helped him and invested in him so he would stand on his feet but later on as his children we realized he was comfortable that she was the one working and providing shelter and food and education to her 6 children and himself that he didn’t feel he was obligated to do anything except extend his hand and take her hard earned money. For years he stayed at her fathers house in our hometown while she worked in the gulf as a professor having all her kids to take care of and educate. He played no role in easing her life. As I grew up (the eldest daughter) I began comparing my friends fathers to mine and there was something wrong. I believe he is mentally sick, narcissist and a misogynist. My father was against the fact I continue my education and I should be married right away but my mother was my backbone and pushed me into university and reminded me it was my right for education. At some point in my life I never missed a farthh salat and if I was late to prayer one minute I’d cry. My mother noticed my devotion and she followed. I left for 2 years abroad for training internship. When I came back my mother told me that I was the reason why she got back to prayer and it saddens her that I am no longer committed as I was before. My mother had a great father that showed her nothing but kindness and love. She didn’t understand that we as her children didn’t want any part of this father who made sure to remind us we weren’t welcomed in his presence. He made our lives miserable yet she didn’t divorce him so we won’t live a life without a faTher as children (which I cannot fathom how a woman so accomplished and appraised would ever need a male who didn’t even finish middle school and didn’t care for her or her children) my mother eventually got out of debt because of his foolish problems my mom thought she had to take care of and went on and divorced him the first time a year before her death. Without any of our knowledge a few months later she remarried him and I found out 8 months later during an argument with him to stop belittling my mother and disrespecting her and reminding him that he was a guest in my grandfathers house, he laughed then showed me the marriage certificate threatening that he will stone her in court and that’s she’s mentally ill and that he will possess all her assets a few months before her death and I ended up confronting her. We told the judge he won’t even give us the key to our mother’s home and his excuse was he has nowhere to go. My mother thought it was strange after everything he’d done to me I’d still want to help him. It was not because he’s my father but because I believe God gave me this test and he will ask me in the day of judgment. I went back to my hometown with my younger brother and we told him we will find a place for you to go and live and we will pay your rent and give you salary. My mother wanted her home back, she finally wanted to retire from work. When I confronted her about the second marriage she said “if Allah can forgive than who are we not to”. Her only request was for him to go back to Salat and I was witness to her words but he never repented nor tried. After the second divorce she insisted on going back to our hometown alone and that I stay and take care of my siblings in the gulf. I couldn’t make her upset by forcing myself to come and protect her cause she got very angry when I persisted to come and was worried and she told us he can’t do anything. 10 days later when he got the eviction notice and she finally left the hotel to move into her fathers home to clean it and fix all the damage he left the house to become. The dawn of Friday he shot her and lied to the gardener and the forensics that she begged him to remarry her and he refused so she shot herself. He sent a voice message to my young brothers informing them that she committed suicide and convinced the police that’s true, I grabbed the first flight to her and showed them proof that she was a professor and she had a return ticket and she has two underage daughters that she’s supporting But they were confused. It took them two days to make him confess the truth. Her passports till this date cannot be found nor her cell phone. He even told them that she was Christian. It was so upsetting to see my mother exposed in front of the men at the morgue I was furious and brought proof from shari’a court that she is a convert Muslim. By Monday we were Finally able to bury Her in the Islamic way.
I blame myself for what has happened I should’ve forced myself to go with her and protect her from this evil man. it’s been 9 months since her passing and I made sure to secure my siblings futures and inheritance. My uncles and aunts are in shock cause they didn’t know the issues that has been happening in our family. One uncle asked me to drop my shakwa my charges and forgive him so he won’t receive the death penalty. My brothers refuse that I drop the charges even the lawyers I hired disagree to drop any charge. When I visited the jail his first questions were about his car and my mom’s inheritance and I told him they were all gone just to confuse him. He didn’t ask about his two underage daughters, materialistic things mattered more. I went on requesting him to hand his car registration to my name so I can be able to sell the car and pay my sisters schools and maybe they’ll find it in their hearts to forgive you. he insisted I drop the charges first and blamed me for throwing him in jail. He has no remorse or regret to what he has done. Yet my uncle insists that he’s regretful and he’s sorry. I know my father very well and it was all an act to my uncle who doesn’t even know half of the agony we lived with having him around. I am lost and I try to find online articles or YouTube to find an answer. My mother was a great woman she was my best friend. What he has done was unjust to such a profound knowledgeable woman. We are all grieving for her death as if it was yesterday yet I don’t want to have his blood on my hands if he goes for death penalty. I have no love or hate for him. Subhan Allah as if a burden was lifted off my shoulders when he disappeared. Please guide me tell me what should I do and think. Being the eldest I hold responsibility of my young siblings and I want to do the right thing. There are so much left unsaid between my mother and I and it aches me till this day. My mother had no friends or family because he made sure he pushed everyone away from her. I always stood between them to stop the fights. I’d drag my siblings out the house so they won’t hear my parents fighting. I’m 28 years old all my life was to settle both sides and monitor my siblings. Please provide me with wisdom that can ease my sorrow and that can put my mind at ease. A few weeks before my mother passed away my mom came back from work asking me if she prayed too slow or people pray so fast or is it she is very slow at prayer. It touched my heart and continued saying that she pronounces every word in the suras in a clear way so Allah can accept her prayers. May Allah have mercy on her soul. She was such a naive pure hearted great woman and she was taken away in such a horrific way. All this for a house that is falling apart?! For the few dollars she had in her pocket? That she’s finally happy and about to retire and actually live at ease without his presence. Grief comes in waves and sometimes I’m filled with rage and sadness when I remember her innocent smile waiting for me to recite the dua for breaking the fast in Ramadan and copying the words after me that I couldn’t protect her from this merciless human being. الله يرحمها يا الله
