MrCategory: WomenMr
Nasser Majid asked 8 years ago

Asalamo alaikum dear brother/sister,

My daughter got married in April last year and ever since she has had problems living with the in Laws. She came over for a weeks stay for eidul fitr with husbands consent and when she went back home none of her in Laws spoke to her, even though she was ill with a high fever at the time.

She approached her husband about this and he said it is all your fault and you must live under my rules in my house, she was in a state of great distress and requested her husband to please do something about this as it was unbearable. Her husband demanded that she do everything his parents say and all the house work, and that his family were not happy that she visited her parents.

She finally approached her husband and said she can not live like this and it would be better to live separately. The result of this was her husband dropped her to parents house without any belongings ( this was after a private meeting with his parents) demanded to speak to father.

I came to the door and he stated that I am leaving her here until she learns how to be a daughter in Law but will not divorce her.

We approached her husband for her belongings, cloths etc and he kept making excuses saying he is not in. He finally showed up at the front door with his father with all her belongings ,a to z including wedding gifts and spoke to her at length at the door saying that he would take her back and to sit down and discuss this with his family to sort out, I asked them to come inside to talk as there were neighbours passing by but both father and son refused to do so.

My daughter explained to her husband that this has happened on a number of occasions and when his family sit down and discuss it , it is always a case that she must fulfil all their demands, e.g. do all the house work, sit with his family, visit his relative with his family and she would not be given the keys to the house unless she had proved herself worthy of this.

My daughter explains that her in Laws have a problem with everything she does and are always talking negatively to her husband about her and at times stop speaking to her completely for weeks on end and demand that she does as they ask, they all get angry at her if she visits parents and also commented that it does not look right that her father drops her home after she visits parents as people will say who is this man.

My daughter decided to give the marriage a chance and went back to her husband after a heated family meeting, but the husband set conditions on her that she does not visit parents, she can not have the house key and she must do everything his parents demand of her.

She is trying her best to make the marriage work , but is finding it very difficult and her in laws will still stop speaking to her for trivial reasons .e.g. she had a back pain recently and due to this she did not do the cleaning for a few days, her husbands approach is to just back his family all the time and tells her to do as they want so they will be happy with her. He has taken back her wedding ring and said he will give it back when she is deserving and she still does not have the house key which means when the family is out she is locked in the house.

I am at a loss as to what to do as her father as it pains me to see her in this situation, though she has ben bold to try and save the marriage by trying her best to live up to in Laws demands,

Can you please make dua for her and give some advise, we are asking her to be patient and pray and to stand up for her rights but in a respectful manner, but fear that this is taking its toll on her emotionally and psychologically, her in Laws and husband want complete control over her. There is a local mosque Imam who seems to be backing their approach and is of the opinion that it is a women’s duty to do the house work and look after the in laws.