I have had many ups and downs with my mother in the past, i have always felt left out she cares for her other children more than me there are numerous cases of injustice which i can sit here and name , i am now 23 years old and wish to get married but my parents will not let me, the guy is willing to marry me but they are refusing because of cast and because its my own choice.
Since the age of 18 i have been working and have never taken a penny off my mum and dad as i dont want to be a burden on them i am currently working 2 jobs and in the middle of completing my acca the guy is not as educated but i know he will look after me.
My mother calls up her sister and tells her to keep her children away from me in particular the daughters as i am a negative influence and i will bring them on the wrong path she screams at me if i take my sister with me shopping, allah knows that i have never ever told them to be a bad thing,this has really hurt me i tried to tell her not to tell her sister as her kids are much worse mu uncle and aunts do not like me in their house because of what my mum has been saying, i told my mum what her children do ( may allah forgive me i shouldnt have exposed my cousins sins to my mum ) so my mum marched to my aunts house and told her everything i said.
me and my mum had a heated argument in which i ended up saying a lot of nasty things back to her , may allah forgive me i even swore at her in return she told me not to come to her funeral and i told her not to come to mine( allah knows i didnt want this to ever escalate)
My Mum has always been so bad to me and now ive gotten to the point where its effecting my mental health i have not slept in 3 days since this fight and for the first time in 23 years i dont feel welcome to celebrate eid with my family and cousins as my mum has left me with nobody.
I did try and apologise for my behavior in return she says that she hopes the man i get married to kicks me out and beats me up etc etc and i think these are the comments that have driven me crazy , shes so bitter and evil towards me this has always been the case when we were younger my brother would joke and say i can say whatever i want about you to mum and she will believe me, and my brother will swear hit me and she will never say anything to him
My Mum and dad have taken a loan of 4000 and my brother has also taken out a loan of 4000 from me , my mum and dad probably do not want to give it back as when i ask mum about it she says ” go ask that man you want ot marry for money”
Please make loads of dua for me, i feel like im on the verge of depression.
I do not wish to stay in the house any longer , please find me a way out i want to get married and leave i told my mum why wont you get me married is it because of money she said ” you said u want a small nikkah and you will pay for it yourself so do it then ”
I can forget about the fact i gave them a large sum of money i just want to protect my mental health and get married.
will my mums curses effect me even though she has done a lot of injustice ?
Will allah send me to hell even if i have been repenting?
Please help me and guide me.