Assalamu Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh.
I needed some advice regarding marriage, in particular outside of culture. Few years back I met someone at work. We were work colleagues and then she went off to complete her higher and so did I. We kept in touch by messaging, to see how uni was and stuff. Alhamdulillah, over the years we’ve both tried harder to become closer to Allah, practising our religion more and I’ve seen a lot of qualities with her, mainly her deen, her kindness to others which I find attractive, hence why I want to pursue for marriage. She has found the same too and we both decided last year to tell our parents to let us marry. Alhamdulillah her parents were happy to hear she wanted to marry, and despite knowing we were of different countries (my family are from Bangladesh, hers are Pakistan), they were still happy to consider me. However, my parents reacted a lot worse, saying things like you shouldn’t marry outside culture. the parents should be the one who shows you the girl and you choose after, so and so married by their parents choice, what will people say when they hear you want to marry Pakistani etc.
I understand that they’re worried about this and that, but Islam isn’t built on culture, it teaches that all muslims are the same regardless of colour or race. Therefore, these reasons aren’t valid enough for me to not choose this person, especially as I strongly feel this person will help me become a much better person, and Insha’Allah build on my deen.
Fast forward 11 months and now her parents have been very patient in my parents changing their mind, but they want to get her married and have told her I have to give them an answer soon or she can’t ever get married to me. I’ve spoken to my mum and dad to reiterate that I don’t want to marry anyone else, this is the right person for me. But they’re still stuck on the reason that people will talk and she is not same culture,and now dad has threatened that I can go off and marry her but he will tell people I’m dead to him, which is a really hard thing to hear from your parents.
I’m stuck in the sense that I don’t know what to do, is it a sin if I go against my parents and choose to marry this person? Or is it worse for me to say no to this girl and then get married to another person, knowing that I didn’t want to marry someone else and it will most likely ruin another girls life?
I can afford to move out and live seperately from parents but I’m trying my very best to persuade them to allow me to marry this girl, as I want their blessing. But culture shouldn’t be playing this big a role in marriage, Islam should be the deciding factor. I appreciate any advice or help I can get because at this rate my BP is sky rocketing due to all this stress and I want to get married and start my life, Insha’ Allah.
Jazakallah Hu Khairan
S
