Marriage help

Sister A asked 5 years ago

I need some advice . Because I like to know I’m not over exaggerating because I have mental health issues.. I’ve been speaking to a man who’s a revert like me . We’ve spoke for nearly three months on the phone or texting and have saw each other for the first time the other day around lots of other people . Didn’t touch or anything . Just saw each other and had a brief chat. I vow to never sleep with a man again until I’m married to him. I am strict in my rules . However I worry he is not. He has made stupid jokes here and there and I’ve got angry about it and warned him. Sometimes I wonder if he’s just promising me marriage and doesn’t have the best intentions . He has a child who’s 6 from a non Muslim woman yet he was Muslim when he did this but that’s between him and Allah I don’t want to bad mouth him. I have no children and have tried to come to terms with taking on somebody else’s child. It isn’t her fault I know. Children are blessings alhamdulillah. theres been a lot of things that have added up and told me cut him off don’t marry him. If I call him out over something he calls me crazy . Today I’ve got upset over knowing he went as far to set a marriage date with a female and then decide she’s not what he wanted . I worry this could happen to me . The same females mom had been calling him a few weeks ago asking him to marry her daughter and I found this wrong . I said you cannot promise someone marriage and hurt them. There was apparently another female he was going to marry also. My Muslim sister friend has said what she thinks of him and he’s asked me not to discuss him with her , she speaks truth if I’m honest and he clearly doesn’t like this so I’ve decided to ask on here . I have been hurt by men before but this is marriage and serious. He has also made jokes over second wives which I just can’t deal with. Sorry but it’s not something I’d agree to. He says it was just a joke and he respects my wishes . He also said could we sleep in same bed before marriage I said absolutely no way and that I would not even be in the same house as him unless we were married . I found this alarming . If somebody had genuine good intentions for me why mention non halal things? He has a lot of exs and this bothers me. I value my self respect and feel I am too clean for him. Astagfirullah to say that . But it’s what I said to him too . When I questioned about the potential marriage today he cut me off the phone and told me I m judgmental and that he will not tel me anything again . I think that’s very wrong . This is why I didn’t want to speak much in the first place i had my gut feelings but I didn’t pursue them as I thought If Allah wills it let it be. Let whatever happen and kept asking Allah to guide me etc . I’ve tried to put any assumptions to back of my head but these things come from his mouth and I’m not ok with him randomly now telling me a date was set . His stories don’t add up . Oh also I lent this man over 600 pound money and haven’t had none back . I thought Muslim men aren’t supposed to be depend on Muslim women financially ? I never throw it back at him as my heart is pure and I helped at time in need but I feel he has taken the mic out of me in many ways . Is this as serious as I’m making it out to be ? Do I just forget this ? I’m thinking it’s best to… jazakAllah khair in advance