Dear Imam, I have been married for 10 years. In those 10 years sadness and sorrow has been more than happiness and understanding. I have been through a lot be it financial, emotional, mental abuse. Controlling, threatening and hostile environment. My partner constantly being suspicious of me wanting another man.
He has put me into debt and left me to pay it.
Womanising, gambling and horrible akhlaq and Adab towards me and my children.
All this over 10 years has made me build up dislike and animosity. I don’t want him anymore and I have no love for him due to the hurt and pain he has endured me. I’m physically and mentally drained from my relationship. I have asked for talaq many times, he tries to make me feel guilty and see he has no other family.
So my question is I don’t love this man anymore nor do I want to force myself to be in something I don’t want to. Everyone around me is telling to just keep him for the sake of the children, but then I don’t want him to touch me. It makes me sick when he does.
Will allah punish me if I ask for talaq?
He has been trying to change however when you don’t love not like someone it becomes toxic. This is the stage I’m in. It’s a toxic relationship. We argue and fight. As he wants me to by force to have him back. By force to love him. By force to stay with me.
Hes a manipulator and doesn’t understand what the hurt and pain he’s done me has caused. My heart is broken completely. It’s beyond repair. Only allah can repair. But I no longer trust or want to trust him.
I have given plenty of chances in those 10 years and we have been back and fourth the children are old enough to understand and I don’t want them growing up seeing me cry and hurt. This environment is not healthy.
Please advise me I’m very confused as he wants to stay married by force.
This is not fair on me. He keeps saying the stress I’m putting him under will kill him. He always makes me feel guilty.
How can I move on from this toxic relationship?
may allah reward you for your advice.