Marriage advice

Susan asked 5 years ago

Salam wa alaykoum.. I have no idea if you will ever even read this but I figured I’ll try to reach out anyways. I am in desire need for advice and have no one to turn too. I am born in the states then married to my cousin in Jordan. I now have 2 children. My husband has had me on a rollercoaster throughout my marriage. He has cheated on me numerous occasions by committing adultery and also drinks alcohol. Then he will regret all that he does ask allah for forgiveness and mashallah he will start praying and better then any husband a women can dream of but it only last for a few months and he’s back to his old actions. It’s been 8 years sheikh. With the same thing over and over again. This month of Ramadan he started off very well alhamdulilah . He was fasting (he usually doesn’t fast) praying taraweeh and so on. My life was alhamduilolah perfect. Then he stopped. He isn’t fasting but he is still praying but I can already see his behavior is changing. I don’t want to go through the same cycle. I have been hurt too many times. He is constantly on the phone now and he says there isn’t anything but  I just don’t trust him. When I faced him with what I am feeling he tells me  I am the one who makes him go astray because I am not knowing how to deal with him the right way. I am scared of divorce. My mother has passed away and my father is very old and I don’t want to be a burden on anyone. I need advice I have no one to talk too. My family means the world to me. I love my husband and my kids but my heart has been broken too many times. I don’t know what to do. Please anything will be helpful.