I’m in a lot of distress at the moment and if you could take the time to give me some clarity, it would mean alot to me.
I’m having issues with finding sustenance and being content. I have severe anxiety disorder which causes a lot of stress and suffering. I can’t for the love of god work around people. I end up always in an emotional mess. I get symptons like insomnia, weight loss, and bouts of depression. I suffer from panick attack from driving in traffic and dealing with customers. I feel i’m unable to cope with life and i’m not going to lie, i feel some resentment towards Allah. I feel ignored often as i continously make duaa to make it easy for me. All i ask of him is to provide me a job in an environment where i can cope with and that it won’t make me physically ill. All the jobs i have recieved a reply back is catered towards a customer service position and i can’t cope with a job in this field. If Allah is more loving to me than my own mother by 70 times, than why doesn’t he provide me a job where i can cope with or a job where i can work alone and not deal with customers all the time.
Should i lower my expectation of not finding a job in a creative field. I graduated 5 years ago in Graphic Design and i have no sucess in landing a job. I was hoping i could use my creativity as Graphic Designer working alone behind a computer but the reality is that networking is key in attaining a job or making yourself marketable. Once again, i failed in that aspect because all i did was work hard in College and not network.
I always had this issue since i was in elementary school. I was always a quiet and shy person who never was vocal in class. I was a good student and excelled in school. When it came to classes where i had to socialized and contribute in groups, i always did very poorly. I was continously picked on due to this and teachers would complain to my parents that i needed to be more vocal. It’s something that is deeply ingrained in me and i believe it’s a major test for me in life that Allah has given me. It has caused me a lot of grief and i don’t know what to do about it me. I’m loosing my patience and i’m becoming sadder and sadder as the years go by. Life is not worth living when your in constant distress. All i ask is Allah to lighten my burden and to open a door for me. Is that to much to ask? I’m trying my best to follow my religion and i’m trying to achieve the promise that Allah has made to us believers, in that whoever follows Islam and has taqwa, Allah will give them a good life. I don’t feel like i’m living a good life when i suffering so much in life and i can’t catch a break.
I apologize my dear brother if i have annoyed with this long rant but i really need to get some things of my chest. I just need some clarity or some wisdom if my reasoning is illogical. Please any advice or feedback would be greatly appreciated. Jazzallahukhair!