How can I forget the haram relationship with my cousin?

How can I forget the haram relationship with my cousin?Category: RelationshipsHow can I forget the haram relationship with my cousin?
ShyGirl asked 3 years ago

When I was younger in my teenage years I didn’t really practice and understand religion, now that I’m older I’m slowly reading Qu’ran and getting educated on Islamic topics. When I was 15-16 years old I used to chill with my male cousin who was older than me,we used to kiss and touch and make out a lot. Alhamdulillah we live in different countries so we didn’t do this all year long, therefore this happened only for one or two summers. I used to get attached to him and cry when I had to leave him, we were students and we didn’t plan on getting married or talk to our families about it. As I got back to Europe since I live here I decided that I didn’t want him as a boyfriend because he was very close minded and I wanted to live a Westernized life at that time, so I left him for this reason. As I grew older I realized my mistake and now I want him back, I tried to talk to him but he don’t want anything serious with me, he said that he wants to marry a modest woman who wears hijab and who’s willing to stay at home and be a full time housewife… Now that I’m older I regret getting close to him and I pray Allah forgives me, I guess that he always wanted this kind of girl in his mind but one thing that hurts me a lot is why did he take advantage of me when I was a teenage? Since he didn’t want anything serious with me, why did he accepted to kiss me etc etc he should have told me that I wasn’t wife material from the start to avoid all this pain, now he’s asking other girls their hand in marriage to get married and I’m getting jealous because he never asked for my hand in marriage… What should I do and how should I act when I see him during family gatherings? I wish he could come back to me and marry me and do things the halal way and show me that he used to really love me when he was younger, I hate the idea of getting played by men especially Muslim men… I feel as if I am the only one who was in love whilst he was only interested in me for lust! Please help…