Asalaam alaikum wa rahamtuallahi wa barakatu.
So,the worst thing happened to me today. I wet the bed. You see this wouldn’t be a big problem for me if it happened at my house but it didn’t. It happened in someone”s else house. I wet someones bed. And . I did clean everything but it was kinda hard not for them to notice cause they were sleeping in the same room as me and one of the girls is a light sleeper. So yeah she knows. Oh she knows. Anyways I have noticed when I judge someone in my mind, the same thing happens to me or something worse. And its happens right away like I’m not exaggerating. I was at someones else house and I smelt peee so obviously in my mind I was thinking,”ewwwww gosh!!”. So the next morning (afternoon cause I woke at 12 something.) the bed was wet i couldn’t believe it. Ahhh also when I was looking for bed sheets I’m pretty sure some gal in the house said I smell pee. Oh it was a horrible experience. And another time this guy was sitting in front of me and he smelled really bad. Judged him in my mind. Wallahi I came back smelling real bad so bad that the lady sitting next to me had to sit somewhere else and when I got home I was greeted with insults. These kinda things been happening to me and I just feel attacked. Like,I dont say bad things about people,i dont insult them in fact I’m really good to them but I always get humiliated when i judge them in my mind. Which is not fair cause I met people who judge so openly and instead of them getting embarrassed or the same thing happening to them they just get something better in life. It leaves me dumbfounded. I dont really get it. I’m a good person and I’m not saying that in a cocky way like I avoid insulting people who insult me because I dont wanna earn a bad deed or hurt their feelings or it’s just my low self esteem that just let’s them say whatever they wanna say to me. I just wanna know what I can do to stop getting humiliated. Also my life is a mess lmao dont even know what im doing. But the thing is I always get humiliated whether I judge someone or not. I dont know what the problem is,maybe I’m paranoid. Also there are so many people who hurt me so bad and yet all I see is them enoying themselves while I am out here getting humiliated. Dont know what to do…I wanna cry and scream. The only time I’m not anxious or seem not give freak about what people think is when I’m listening to music. I know music is haram but it givesbme confidence when I’m listening to it. I feel like I can take over the world(lmao by that I mean I can defend myself). without music I’m just an insecure girl. I’m humble but not the good way. My humbleness is the kind that will let anyone walk all over me like I’m some rug. But music changes that for me. I only listen it to it for a few hours and for those few hours I’m confident I feel good about myself but when I take them headphones off, i’m back to feeling the same lonely ugly girl who cant defend herself. And i hate it. I hate it because i dont like myself i hate it cause I’m always making mistakes and i feel like I’m the only one. cause my mistakes are so apparent and it always happens in front of people. I make dua to Allah for this to stop but it seems to just keep getting worse. I don’t know what to do. Lmao you’re probably wondering….what the question is…how do I stop humiliation from following me? Arghh j have 1,000 followers and humiliation is one of them. Tell me how to block it from my life. Tell me how to make my life feel worthy. Tell me how live myself tell me what to do. Advice me. For I am one wrecked lost chick also I want chicken and chips. I wanted to buy but my fear of humiliating myself stopped me from buying food…wow I need help.
