I am a 23 year-old man. My parents divorced when I was thirteen and I moved to another country with my mother, as my father had met another woman while he was still married to my mother and that was one of the reasons of the divorce. Over the years, my father would come to see me for a day, but my mother would always set boundaries; I am not allowed to spend the night with him or travel with him, and she made me severe ties with my family from his side. My paternal grandparents and aunts and uncles did not show any care towards me at the time of the divorce, but later on they wanted to see me and that has been a cause of great conflict throughout the years. My mother allowed me to see my grandparents once only to ‘give them a piece of my mind’, and I told them what they did wrong. They asked for my forgiveness but because my mother always wants me to be her puppet, I told them I will not (even if deep down I have forgiven them). A few years ago I took matters into my own hands and secretly restarted contact with my cousins from my father’s side. Things later on progressed to seeing one of my aunts in secret. My mother somehow found this out and lost her mind and started a huge problem because it happened behind her back, even if she would not have allowed such a thing to happen. She kept playing the victim no matter what.She is a very controlling woman who interferes in all aspects of my life (clothes, hairstyle, food, relationships, bedtime, studying, etc.) I am her only child, and she insists on dominating me. While she does love me very much and has sacrificed for me and tried her best for me, she is still very difficult to deal with and always twists my words and actions into meaning that I don’t care about her.
My relationship with my father was great when I was younger, but became very strained during the years after the divorce. He is much more cold and indifferent than my mother, and he also refuses to confess to any mistakes he or his family makes. He remarried the same younger woman he had an affair with and now has three more sons with her. I graduated college very recently, and instead of being proud of me, he suddenly cut ties with me and stopped sending my allowance, and has absolutely no contact with me just because he wants me to come home to his parents. They were always his priority and I never am.
My mother threatens to cut ties with me if I do what my father asks, and my father has too if I continue listening to my mother.
I really do not know how to deal with them now because they are both very toxic, and while I love them because they are my parents, I also resent them very much.
I know that parents are very important in Islam and Allah will punish me if I am not good to them, so please help me in dealing with them.