I’m a muslim living in an arab country. I’m seeking advice because I’ve recently been in a big conflict with myself on how i should be living my life. I understand and respect my religion 100%, I have so much love for Allah (SWT) and his message to us. I’m grateful for being a muslim. But i feel like I’m not being myself, I feel like i want to live my life and enjoy it just kike my friends do without feeling guilty that I’m not following exactly the right path. I know what’s haram and what is halal and i am aware when i sin and i feel remorse a soon as i do and repent. I don’t want to lose that.
But sometimes i have those thoughts of why not live my life a little, go out and have fun with my friends and party/smoke/drink or whatever and then just repent. I know it sounds stupid but I’m feeling so much pressure because everyone around me does those things and even more as if it’s not a big deal. I understand the severity of it and I restrict myself almost always. But sometimes i’m weak and i think i might do those things. What makes it hard is how normalized it is even though we live in an islamic country.
I’m just struggling in choosing which life i want to live even though i know which is the right way to live. But i want to have fun too and be included and make memories with my friends. Ya Allah please help me! I don’t want to disobey Allah but it’s so hard honestly.
One more thought that the Shaytan makes me think of is what abiut all thise people who loved a full life and did everything they wanted to do and then just repented. They kinda got the best of both worlds right?
Idk, I’m so confused
please please advice thoroughly